Depression

Another title for bipolar is Manic Depression.  Jimi Hendrix wrote a song about his own struggles with Manic Depression.  Hendrix was a genius song writer and performer of his time but I am certain he did not have proper medication.

I personally am on medications.  It has taken me some time to find a doctor I trusted; find the right medication for me and most importantly for me to accept that I needed medication.

With my religious beliefs; I believed for a long time that God would heal me and I went to many healing services;  was annoited with oil by an elder at church several times.  I had faith in God's healing power to move mountains.  Yet I remained with this illness.

I found myself in jail one time; was in isolation for about 12 hours and prayed on my knees one heartfelt prayer that the only way I would quit taking medication was if Jesus came down touched me and said, "you are healed".  Now that was not the only bargain I made with God; also I agreed to All the doctors and medicines and pharmacies would have to been impossible to access ( they would dissapear from the planet).  So I was resolved to take medication; see a doctor on a regular basis and approach living a normal healthy life.

So after this jail time I admitted myself to the psych ward at a hospital.  Up until now; I had experienced plenty of forced hospitalizations.  This one I agreed to sign myself up for a week long stay at the hospital.  So I went from jail to the hospital.  The hardest part of this was... waiting in the waiting room to be seen.  Like most waiting in the emergency room; it was long and boring.  There were a lot of people ahead of me with much more visable problems.  Since I was calm and not acting manic I had to wait my turn. Watching TV while Manic only hightens the mania.  I see messages that I believe are meant for me only. Luckily, I knew this was a weakness of mine. So I sat very far away from the TV.   I sat alone for hours and hours.  Never getting sleepy because I was in a manic state at the time. But after being handcuffed and sent to jail for 2 days I was so relieved to be there. I  I knew at any time I could have simply walked out that door.  Yet I truly knew I needed help.  Plus, there was that promise to God that I had to keep.  I realized later that not only was this commitment to God it was a pledge to myself.