Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Bruce and Dale

I have "Gone Crazy" more times than I can really count. All because I have not accepted my bipolar diagnosis. Which meant I did not take medicine and did not see a doctor. I believed far too long that my behaviour was for some excuse or another  an outside influence and not an internal illness. Before my first manic episode I had become an atheist. So, a year and a half later getting back to a normal life which I achieved and maintained. I had a secure job and was a full time student; shared an apartment and lived in San Antonio, Texas. I was studying Dental Hygiene at a very prestigious school. The University of Texas Health and Science Center. I was surrounded by incredible people with high goals and sharp minds and I was one of them. My driving purpose of becoming a dental hygienist was to have a valuable skill and join the Peace Corp; which was a life long goal for me since I was about 5 and I felt I was finally "on track". I owned a car but soon discovered that if I rode my bike I could get to school faster; by avoiding traffic  or riding along side it. (No bike lanes back in the 80's). I would fly past cars stuck in traffic and literally be tapping cars with my fingertips to avoid colliding with them. I sorta loved the small element of danger. I only lived about 1 mile from the University. Also, the bike rack was right next to the entrance of the University; so no long walk from the parking lot. Life seemed to be humming along just fine. Then I met this woman at the bike rack and we had a little conversation. And then planned to meet for lunch. Her name was Dale; she and her husband "Bruce" were med students and planned to be missionaries. I thought I need to know them and learn the best way to go about helping others. Which is what Bruce and Dale were all about.
Now, Backing up a bit, my first Manic Episode and it was severe; I was a proclaimed Atheist. I spoke about how stupid it was to believe in God and wanted others to admit the same.
The 1st Manic Episode brought me to truly know there was a God and that I needed It and the comfort It brought. For those 2 years I did a little searching and went to a handful of churches; never landing in any of them...more like wine tasting; but never finding one I really wanted to drink and claim as my own  brand.
So Bruce and Dale were a perfect example of a married couple with a stable healthy loving lifestyle that I hadn't witnessed until now. Although my parents loved each other very much; their relationship was unhealthy in that my dad worked away from home for 2 weeks as a tugboat captain and was out of touch for the entire time. He returned home for a week and it was a honeymoon for them all over again. Oh well it worked for them but I wanted a man to be home with me on the Daily.
Soon after meeting Bruce and Dale I was in a weekly one on one bible study with Dale. She seemed to be able to answer any question I had about God, Jesus, the bible and the fellowship of believers  All answers found right in the good ole book. I never met a group of people who were so educated in the bible and science as well. It was wonderful; my life was soaring and I was getting more and more versed on the bible and could quote scriptures along with everyone else.
Then I started going to bible studies in group settings of about 10-15 people; all students like me young in their 20's. Life could not have been sweeter. I learned of God's function and purpose in my own life and there was God the Father...understood that...God the Son..who is Jesus...then the one I had the most curiosity with...God the Holy Spirit...the Comforter.  He is the one I needed desperately in my life and although everything was running along quite smoothly...I wanted The Holy Spirit with me any time I needed Her. With these intense one-on-one bible studies I read in the bible... To have that Holy Spirit sealed and secure in my body I must be baptized. Well, for me this was an easy sell. When I was about 8, we were visiting my Grandma Gladys Brier. Early in the morning she was all shaken and told my mom, my brother (Kenny) and myself that our deceased Grandfather woke her up and told her to look at a specific bible verse about baptism. She asked Kenny and me if we were baptized and we told the truth, "No".  She was adamant how we need to get baptized. Needless to say it scared me. We were not a church going family and since we only visited Grandma about 2x a year; baptism was left alone.
So when Bruce and Dale said to get this Holy Spirit God; signed sealed and delivered in my heart; I wanted to get baptized.  But there was a little added condition. I must feel the urgency to do so and wait until I was very sure...because unlike the many boyfriends and jobs I had had...God was a life time friend and the commitment to Her was very serious and forever.
At the time of my weeks of contemplation, I was currently dating a man from Lebanon who was previously a heroin addict. He was clean and appeared to really love me. Sex was out of the equation because after all I was being groomed to be a good Christian woman. Premarital sex was completely forbidden. One Saturday night before church Adnon ( my Lebanese boyfriend) asked me to marry him. An added attraction in Adnon was he was from a seriously wealthy family. Quite the temptation. So in church the next Sunday morning sitting next to Dale....she noticed I was not my regular self. I told her Adnon asked me to marry him.  She said loud and firm voice NO; Then I began to understand God could also be my provider as well. God then became my main squeeze and I said yes to God and was baptized November 21, 1985. and said NO to Adnon and broke up with him. The singles group at church became my best friends and we had parties; bible studies and of course church services and I was involved in out reach programs helping the needy. I was exactly where I wanted to be in life. I was living a fulfilled life. And of course Bruce and Dale were always there for me and I helped them if they ever asked for it.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Sigh of relief

Today, I went to the dermatologist for the first time. No Melanoma, nothing looking strange; she said my skin was very young looking and asked me what were my genetics; I told her my mom was Native American and her face lit up and she said out of all the different ethnicities she has treated none of the Native Americans have skin cancer. Hallelujah. So I came home and had a nice sweet sleep with my honey as he came home early.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Grieving for Danny

This week was packed with surprises. First, my 19 year old daughter that has been 21 since she was 12. Or at least  felt a lot of entitlement, Hence as soon as graduation she was out of here and moved off to San Diego. She is settled there in Ocean Beach. She called and was upset about moving decisions and needed her mama to come out for a weekend visit. I had to be packed and ready to go in less than 24 and THANK GOD I am a real Barbie...I don't wear make up and my clothes are simple. And after all  I am visiting my Vegan Princess in the land by the Sea. I didn't pack any protein food; or any food on for the plane ride. MISTAKE.... So I caved in and bought a tuna sandwich at the airport I'm feeling that a strong force in me doesn't even want to buy any meat ever again then the choice would be simple.

So much has happened in a short week. Joy and I went on a very challenging hike called Cowles Mountain in the San Diego area.  As we were hiking I got a text from a close neighbor of mine asking if I knew where Danny was and that he has been missing for several days. I was so puzzled. Danny is a very strong healthy 33 year old man with a wife and 2 sweet kiddos. Danny runs with my husband every weekend and when we have neighborhood parties he and his family are always a big part of the  excitement.

Joy and I continue to hike; trying to press away any thoughts of the where abouts of Danny and still listen to Joy talk of the quandary of where will be her next move. Then as we are climbing this never ending steep hill that has some gravel spots that are dry and slipping happens if you are not careful. A woman was laying on the side of the road surrounded by her family and sounds of a helicopter were over head. Yes, Joy and I witnessed a live helicopter rescue. It was quite fascinating how accurately and quickly they took her up.

So here we are to being about 1 week ago since Danny died.  First of all Danny is a 33 year old man and went running with my husband  every weekend. Even though Danny was younger;  he and Rich were good running buddies. Rich is 54 and a very strong runner. On the weekend Rich would usually run sprints around the track then after that run a long run. Rich would seek out Danny to go running together. I have never seen Rich pursue a friendship with someone so strongly for the past 27 years I have known my husband.

I realize now what a good friend Rich had in Danny and I did not even fully realize it at the time. So I have purposed in my heart to spend time with her kiddos as much as possible. Nathaniel (5) and Bella (9) are such sweet gentle children. Our neighborhood; is very unique in that we are really there for each other and we have fun parties together. This blessings is something I do not want to take for granted.

Monday, January 25, 2016

Train my Brain

I have a new Mantra after shopping at Whole Foods for restocking the supplies for Smoothie making. I CARE ABOUT MY HEALTH AND NUTRITION. Rainbow Chard, Spinach, Oranges, 2 types of apples, orange cuties, Green Grapes, Red Grapes, Raspberries, Raw Cashews, frozen pineapples, frozen cherries, frozen blueberries, frozen blackberries. Most of which were organic. The cost of all this was $140. It seems like a lot however, it is my food and my family's extra source of nutrition. Once a week I am shopping at Whole Foods for smoothie making ingredients. I think I am making about 12 smoothies a day. That equals 82 smoothies a week. If I purchased; say a Naked Juice at the price of $4 a bottle. The Naked Juice is considerably smaller than the servings that I make. But for the purpose of a quick comparison; I would be spending $328 a week if I bought 82 Naked Juice bottles. My smoothies are freshly made and consumed immediately or occasionally a few hours later. My mantra has been today, I care about my health and nutrition. It is no big secret that we all need to consume more fruits and vegetables and that they are a strong source of vitamins for our health. Fruits and vegetables are cancer fighting and cancer preventive foods. The connection of my bipolar disorder and health and nutrition is enormous. I feel better physically; I am thinking more clearly. I have more energy for exercise. Do I still take my pharmaceutical medications? Absolutely. I will not give those up. My meds are essential. But now I am aware and awake to the fact that; I CARE ABOUT MY HEALTH AND NUTRITION.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

What does going Vegan have to do with Mental Illness

What does being a Vegan have to do with Bipolar Disorder? Everything and maybe nothing. I feel strongly that what you eat, drink, how you spend your time, what medications you are taking all influence your illness and well being.  So do all you can do in order to achieve and maintain good health.

Everything is trial, error, success, exploration, understanding, believing, trusting and remembering what works for you. Something that works for someone may enhance your life and happiness as well. Try your own thing, invent your own magic. I saw something on FB today that showed several TV moms from the 70's- 80's. The question was who do you most relate to: The partridge family mom, Brady Bunch mom, or as I chose, Samantha on Bewitched. Cause I make the magic happen in my home.

So experiment, live, let your wild side out as long as you are not hurting anyone including yourself. You may discover that there is more happiness inside you and around you to get you exactly where you want to be in life.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Going Vegan

For only 3 days now I have been going Vegan. I feel really great. Although, I must admit; I do miss a scrambled egg sandwich.  Last night I bought donuts; but tried not to look at them so I would not tempt myself.
I have been a Pescatarian for about 2 years. This means I eat fish but no other meats. I rarely eat seafood; but when I visited Japan this was a lifesaver. Seafood is plentiful and I really enjoyed all the seafood there.
One thing I have noticed is I really don't eat a lot of fruits nor vegetables. I still eat a lot of junk food.
So now I am making smoothies of all sorts. Pumping myself and my family with fruits and vegetable in a smoothie. My sweet tooth is fading and my desire to eat junk food is disappearing.

I also have learned how to make cashew milk. Soaking the nuts overnight and then blending in the morning. It's delicious. I have been a big milk drinker all my life. My older sister still remembers how I would drink milk with pizza instead of soda.
So, this is a major life change. Taking my eating habits to a new level.
Eating fruits and veggies has always been a chore for me. So now making them into a smoothie is a delight.

This is the beginning; so I will blog more later.

Until then; happy blending

Friday, October 30, 2015

The Eve of Halloween Night.

Ah yes it twas the night before Halloween the children are good; waiting eagerly to wear their new hoods. Ghosts, goblins, witches and princesses all wanting to show their new costumes.  At our home we do not have little ones to get ready for the greatest day of imagination; but we are having a good ole fashion Neighborhood Halloween Party.

The food will be a large variety of soups. Then, bread, crackers, fruit and of course CANDY.  Tonight  tho we can relax and listen to the rain fall so sweetly upon our rooftop.

Today I made a double batch of pumpkin bread; One is simply in a loaf pan with Pumpin seeds on top of it. Next is 2 dozen regular sized muffins. Thirdly are tiny muffins with Keef on top and I made a purple yam and coconut yogurt frosting.
I invented the frosting and it was delicious.

I have sampled quite a bit through the day. It's all good.

All of which I made this time is Marijuana infused Pumpkin bread. Of course to be kept quite seperate from any other foods for the party. This is for Stoners Only.
IT should be a great party.

But for tonight I cuddle with my beloved out of the rain; in the comfort of our bed we shall rest our bones and flesh. No death will overtake us. Good Halloween's Eve. Tomorrow Halloween is your day. But today is the day of rest before the celebration.